Remus' crush
by Mirgaxus
Summary: Remus has an unrequited crush, and James has some advice. [Fluffy get-together. RL/SB Wolfstar]
1. Chapter 1

It's four in the morning when James comes back to the dorm where Gryffindor's seventh year boys live. He stands for a moment in the middle of the room, listening to Peter's snores and watching Remus' drawn curtains, before he takes his cloak off. He takes a gulp from a bottle of Ogden's that he is carrying - for a little courage - and then stashes both the bottle and his cloak in his trunk and walks over to Remus' bed and draws the curtains open.

Remus is sleeping peacefully and for a moment James thinks that maybe he should let him be and just go back to his own bed and sleep while he still can. But no, he knows that now's the time for the intervention he has been planning for a while.

He pushes at Remus' legs and hisses: "Move over, Moony."

Remus wakes up with a start and manages to kick James in the stomach. Groaning, James thinks that maybe he deserved that.

"What- James? What time is it?" asks Remus, fumbling for his wand, hair tussled and voice groggy from sleep.

"Shhh", James hisses, "Worms is sleeping."

Remus glances over at Wormtail's bed and then scoots over to give James room to sit on his bed. James sits down on the foot of the bed, pulling his legs on it too and then draws the curtains.

Remus has found his wand and suddenly his face is illuminated by the light of Lumos. James blinks several times, eyes adjusting to the light.

"What is it?" asks Remus, little flushed and looking at him concerned, and then sniffing the air: "Have you been drinking?"

"Not much. Was in Hogsmead with Pads." He runs his hand through his hair, wondering why he hadn't planned this far, about what he was actually supposed to say to Remus now that he had him for himself. Being slightly tipsy and exhausted from the lack of sleep isn't helping and his brains is not offering any suggestion for the conversation starters. "Look. I wanted to talk with you."

Remus is looking at him, staring almost. "And it couldn't have waited for tomorrow?"

"No", says James. "Look", he says again, and then repeats it yet one more time to just buy himself a little more time to get his words straight. "Look. My shoes stank of dog piss this morning. And it was not okay."

Remus blinks several times and James thinks he looks like an owl. "Um, okay?"

"No, _not okay_ ", says James emphatically, since Remus is missing the point. "My point is... I- Umm- I've seen you _look_." He looks at Remus, raising his eyebrows suggestively, and Remus blushes and looks away, and James continues, with the courage from the Firewhiskey. "You know. At me."

Remus is squirming. "James...", he says pleadingly.

"I'm not mad", James assures him and pats Remus' knee. "It's really flattering."

Remus groans and hides his face in his hands.

"I should actually thank you, I think Lily agreed to that date with me only because she started to worry you'd steal me away first."

"I very much doubt that", a red faced Remus mutters from behind his hands.

"Oh, I don't. But the thing is, you are a fetching bloke and all, Moons, but... Umm... You are a _bloke_ _,_ you know."

Remus takes his hands finally away from his face, sighs and looks at James, still very red faced. "Prongs. I know. Trust me, I know. We don't need to talk about this. Actually, please, let's not talk about this. This isn't anything serious, I promise you."

"Oh, I assure you, this is very serious", says James. "Look. This morning my shoes stank of piss and the last week my toothpaste tasted like puke. And I am so fucking tired of it."

Remus frowns. "Those things had nothing to do with me."

"Oh, on contrary, Moonbeam, they had _everything_ to do with you." James whishes for a moment that he had his bottle still with him. "Just... look. Do you know where Pads is right now?"

Remus looks confused at the seemingly odd change of topic. "I hope you didn't leave him passed out in some ditch?"

"No, no. No. He is at Honeydukes. Can you guess why?"

"Just get to the point."

"He is at Honeydukes, because when we were coming back through the tunnel I told him that yesterday I had eaten your stash of chocolates", says James triumphantly.

"You didn't actually eat them, right?" Remus asks quickly.

"No, I didn't, of course. But he went mad at me, said you'll need your stash for the full moon - like I didn't know that already - and after a bit of a fight and when I refused to turn back, he turned back himself to fetch you some more. Isn't that _cute?_ "

Remus looks a little flustered. "I- well, that's very thoughtful of him-"

"No, that's very _whipped_ of him", James says sternly. "Trust me, I should know, it takes one to know one. He is arse over tits obsessed with you, and a royal pain in the arse too whenever you as much as smile at me. Got it?"

Remus is looking at him now like he had slapped him. "...what?"

"And the thing is, I think you should give him a chance", James continues. "He might be an annoying overeager puppy who needs some housebreaking, but he is, you know, a decent guy still. And I've heard that he is supposedly good looking, although of course I wouldn't know anything about that. You could do worse. Since, you know, I am off the market." He grins.

"Are you joking?" Remus asks bewildered and is twitching in that odd Moony way.

"Nah, I am not. Just think about it, okay?" James says. "And meanwhile, you know, if you could be a little mean to me sometimes, I'd appreciate that."

"I think I could manage that... Wait, did he seriously _piss_ on your shoes?"

"Siriusly", James says and then giggles, because it _is_ four in the morning and bad puns are bad.

Remus rolls his eyes and shoves him with his leg. "Shut up."

Then they sit in a companionable silence, with James' eyes starting to droop and Remus chewing at his lips in deep thoughts. Peter's snores in the background are starting to lull James to sleep, comfortingly familiar night time sounds as they are.

James startles from his almost-asleep-state when Remus suddenly speaks again: "You know, it's almost funny, but I did fancy him first."

James looks at him. Remus' face doesn't look like he considers it funny. "Oh?"

"It was before the whole Snape fiasco. Back then, I thought I would do anything for him. I guess I would have."

James blinks a few times. He thinks, _I'm not awake enough to_ _say really talk_ _about_ _important things!_ , and then opens his mouth few times, not sure what to say.

"After that I just accepted that it wasn't going to happen ever. Forced myself to instead hate him, for a while. To get over it." Remus' smile is twisted, amused with dark humour.

"It was a long time ago", James finally says. "You know he has grown up since then."

Remus raises his eyebrows at him. "You just told me he pissed on your shoes, and you claim he has grown up?"

 _Good point_ , James thinks, but says: "Well, grown up about the things that matter."

Remus looks away, seems uncertain and hesitating, before saying softly: "Yeah. I guess."

The silence that then falls feels not companionable but uncomfortable to James, heavy with the past and the wounds that have never really healed but only scarred over, and James shifts a little. "Well. It's your call. Just... think about it."

Remus nods.

"I think I go to my bed, before I fall asleep here", James says and then grins. "I don't want to imagine what my punishment for being found snuggling you would be."

Remus snorts and blushes a little, which James decides to ignore. As James is climbing from Remus' bed, Remus looks over at Sirius' bed, which has still its curtains open and is empty. "Where is he? Shouldn't he be back by now?"

"Um. I might have locked the trapdoor behind me, when he went back to Honeydukes", James says. "You wouldn't believe how hard it is to catch you alone to talk to you, without Pads playing a self-appointed chaperon, so..."

"You didn't", Remus says, somewhere between mortified and amused.

"Oh, don't look at me like that. He is a resourceful guy, he'll find his way back to the castle before breakfast."


	2. Chapter 2

When Remus wakes up the next morning, the first thing he sees as he opens his curtains is Sirius sitting on James' bed, spreading generously what looks like itching powder on James' pyjamas.

"Morning, Moons", Sirius greets him cheerfully, despite looking like a maniac who hasn't slept at all last night. His hair is in disorder, which is a rare sight in itself, and it seems he hasn't bothered using cleaning charms on his robes yet, even after the whole night of what Remus can only presume included a lot of romping around the dusty secret tunnels, sitting on gooey seats of the Hog's Head and then possibly getting some mud and dirt on top of all that on the long way home.

"Morning." James is nowhere to be seen, and Remus wonders for a moment if Sirius had thrown him out of the window when he had come back last night from the Hogsmead, but then dismisses the thought as ridiculous.

Obviously, if James was dead, there would be no point in Sirius ruining his pyjamas.

Peter's bed is empty as well. Remus, who is still lying on his bed, looks back at Sirius, who is now levitating down the pyjamas carefully on James' bed, doing his best to not touch them and get any of the powder on his own skin.

Remus can't help asking, "Why are you doing that?"

Sirius waves his hand dismissively at him. "Oh, no reason."

Remus raises his eyebrows at him, keeping his face otherwise neutral. "You just woke up and decided it would be fun to piss off your best friend?"

"Yup. Pretty much." Sirius grins at him and stands up. "Give me some space. I have something for you. Not itching powder, I promise."

Remus scoots over and Sirius flops down, not at the foot of his bed like where James had been sitting last night, but right next to Remus, sitting and leaning against the headboard with his legs brushing against Remus'. Remus, feeling a little self-conscious, sits up too, but immediately regrets it when he realizes that it feels like Sirius is too close, their shoulders bumping against each other, as they sit on Remus' narrow bed. But it's too late to change his mind and lie down again, it would look strange, so Remus stays where he is, his fingers playing with his bed covers nervously. He hopes that Sirius doesn't notice.

Sirius flashes him a bright smile and Remus tries hard to not let his mind wander to the conversation he had had with James last night. "But really, Pads. Itching powder? Are you losing your pranking touch?"

Sirius snorts. "You try coming up with original ideas after a night of merry making. The night that was going so well, nly to be ruined by some very, dare I say, shocking betrayals, which then lead almost me being caught by a shopkeeper and going to Azkaban."

Remus' lips twitch. "I guess James did deserve that powder? For almost getting you jailed?"

"Most certainly", Sirius says, with some real bite in his voice. "The bastard didn't even leave me his cloak. But let's not talk about him. My stomach might turn upside down if I have to think about that traitor. Let's talk about this instead, the treasure which I bravely and quite self-sacrificingly collected last night before running for my life and freedom."

He draws a bar of Honeyduke's finest chocolate from his pocket, grinning at Remus, eyes twinkling. Remus feels his cheeks warm a little, despite his best tries to keep his face and body from betraying any awkwardness and he smiles at Sirius, who looks at him little curiously now.

Damnit, thinks Remus and goes for a diversion. "You brought me some breakfast? I knew you'd make a good house elf."

"Plonker", Sirius admonishes him affectionately. "Chocolate is not proper breakfast. Ruins your teeth, you know. You wouldn't want to be a fangless werewolf, Moons? That'd be pathetic."

"It's chocolate, Pads. It'd be worth the sacrifice of making myself look like a fool", Remus answers gravely.

"Nah ah, I don't think so", Sirius says and starts to unwrap the chocolate. "Actually, as you are one of my last two remaining friends in this cruel world, I think it's in my best interest to prevent you from harming yourself like that."

Remus knows this game, and plays along. He growls at Sirius playfully and bumps his shoulder against his. "Not wise to get between a wolf and his chocolate."

" _Your_ chocolate? I beg to disagree", says Sirius and grins at him, breaking a piece of chocolate from the bar. "It's mine and I dare you to come and get it from me." He wriggles his eyebrows suggestively at Remus and puts the piece between his teeth.

And Remus knows that Sirius is joking - or, Remus thinks, _half-joking_ if Prongs was to believed and Remus' heart makes an odd stutter at that thought - and that Sirius expects Remus to roll his eyes - _"Really, Pads?"_ \- and shove him off the bed and that there would be some goodnatured wrestling over the bar until it would be crumbled all over the floor and Remus would mock-sulk over the waste of good chocolate until Sirius would pull the rest of his purchases out from his trunk and then they would eat themselves sick before going to the proper breakfast and everything would be, stay, like it had always been between them.

But for some reason, Remus notices in a detached way, he is not rolling his eyes and following the familiar script. Sirius' eyes, bright and full of mischief are looking at him, and his lips are curled up around the chocolate, and Remus can feel the heat of his body _right next to him_.

He had told Prongs the truth, last night. Years ago, he had been able to push his infatuation for this boy away, and after they had repaired their friendship, it was just a remaining appreciation for an attractive boy and the fondness for his friend.

He has been happy, content, with the two of them being friends, and he hadn't been pining after Sirius. Just like he hadn't been pining after James - Remus is still so embarrased by their conversation, he can't believe James made him go through that - he has just, appreciated from the distance, enjoyed the warm feeling of a crush that is never going to be acted upon. Remus knows how to enjoy what he has, and he had learned with Sirius that crushes came and went and no matter what, the life continued. Truthfully, he hadn't even thought about Sirius _that way_ for a long time.

But now he is thinking about it, and can't seem to stop himself. Stop from noticing how beautiful Sirius still is, or even more so, now that he is almost a man. How close he is.

So Remus imagines, for a moment, what would happen if he instead leaned closer, if he wrapped his lips around that piece of chocolate and against Sirius' lips. How Sirius would be shocked, and how Remus would steal the chocolate from him and eat it, before leaning closer again and kissing him properly. Or maybe Sirius would trade him more pieces of chocolate for kisses after he stole the first one, and they'd spend the rest of the day in Remus' bed, playing that new game, and when they ran out of candy, Remus would confess, _"I didn't kiss you because of the chocolates"_ , and Sirius would smile at him and murmur against his lips: _"I know"_ _._

Sirius is looking at Remus with a curious expression. There is a delicious faint blush on his cheeks and Remus - who can feel that his own face is too warm too - knows he has to do something, trip the balance one way or the other. It's getting too much, and Sirius' eyes, looking through him so intensely, are making his mind clouded.

He lets out a strangled laugh and shoves himself up, getting away from Sirius. "You are an idiot, Pads", he lets out, a little out of breath and avoids looking at him as he stands up from his bed.

"Moony", says Sirius pleadingly and Remus starts to quickly gather his clothes for the shower. He has to get away, to gather his thoughts. He is not like Sirius, he _can't_ act impulsively and kiss one of his friends out of nowhere just because it suddenly seems like an intriguing idea. He'll need to think about this through, first. "Did- What-"

"Change your robe and go comb your hair, it's a mess, and get down to breakfast. I'll take a quick shower and join you soon." Remus is proud how unaffected he manages to make his voice.

"Did Prongs say something to you last night?"

Remus stops, and looks at Sirius, who looks like a kicked puppy, and is still lying on Remus' bed, face flushed.

Remus smiles at him, and hopes it looks more reassuring than it feels on his face. "No", he says kindly. "He didn't. I'm just tired, and- and the full moon is coming, so I didn't feel like wrestling-"

"Moony-"

"Sorry. See you soon at the breakfast", says Remus quickly and then escapes to the bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a cathartic day, in a way, Siris thought as he washed his teeth alone in the bathroom.

It had almost come to blows at the breakfast - Sirius was happy that it had been James who had been the first one to snap and shove him hard, it made Sirius feel less pathetic when he wasn't the only one losing his mind and behaving stupidly - and after that the Hogwarts' rumour mill had started to spin its own versions for their fallout, based on some small snippets people had overheard of their conversation.

Lily and Peter, Merlin bless their twisted humour, had further baited the rumourmongers, and the rest of the day Sirius had got a lots of weird looks. _'Did you hear? The Head Boy cheated on his girlfriend with his best friend!'_ _'No, no, you got it wrong, there was no cheating, apparently the Head Girl was in it too!'_ Before Sirius had left the common room to get ready for bed, he had seen Lily rubbing her belly and whispering with Peter, looking oh so mournful as they were ignoring the rest of the common room and their curious looks.

Sirius had no doubt that tomorrow he would be get congratulated and some queries about the due date. He hoped that his family would hear the news too.

But the important thing was that Sirius hadn't heard anyone mention Remus' name. He trusted Lily and Peter to stay clear of going anywhere too close to the truth. Besides, they were both good sports, and knew that Remus didn't enjoy being talked about.

Sirius spat into the sink and looked at the mirror. He should soon go back to their dorm, he had taken long enough here trying to decide if he would try to talk to Remus tonight or not.

It wasn't like Remus had avoided him, or any of them, during the day. He had come down for the breakfast just in time to witness Sirius and James' snarking turning into a fight, and he had helped Peter and Lily to stop it and make them take it elsewhere - it was Saturday, so they had left afterwards and went to the forest, to run as a stag and a dog, to blow off the steam, and on the way back there had been few awkward words and Sirius had promised to leave James' stuff alone and James had promised to not meddle again with things that didn't concern him, and then they were fine, even though both knew that those promises would be impossible to be held forever.

It was the thought that mattered. Sirius felt sometimes that their friendship was a series of ceasefires.

And after that, when the two of them had come back, Remus was still with them as they had all gone to hang around with Hufflepuffs, like they often did on the weekends - the seventh year Hufflepuff prefects had been ace and campaigned for a long time to be allowed to invite friends from the other houses into their common room, in the name of the united school spirit, which was a code name for _'the weekend kitchen raids'_ and _'the secret poker games at boys_ _'_ _dorm'_. Sprout came sometimes to check on that the common room was still intact, but otherwise they got to spend time pretty much alone.

It had been painfully obvious for Sirius that Remus had tried his best to act like nothing was amiss and assure Sirius that they were still friends - probably hoping that Sirius wouldn't blow up like he had in the breakfast. He had smiled at Sirius, and even sat beside him for the poker game, but he was _twitching_ all the time and had nearly jumped up in the air when Sirius' knee had accidentally touched his leg. Sirius had felt frustrated and self-conscious, but luckily he had been able to switch places without raising any suspicion when 'raiders' (this week meaning Peter and a couple of 'Puffs) had come from the kitchens and everyone had rushed to pick their share of the spoils.

And now it was the evening. Sirius knew that Remus and James had gone to sleep already. He himself felt pretty knackered too - he hadn't slept at all last night, and it was starting to take its toll. He felt like he needed to say _something_ to Remus though, to reassure him that Sirius wasn't going to jump his bones and that he could stop twitching around him. He just wasn't sure if he should do it now, or wait a few days - not only for Remus to calm down with the idea, but for himself to get actually rested and to be in his own mind when they got around to that discussion.

Having come to the conclusion that it would do more harm than good to climb into Remus' bed with sleep deprivation and only foggy ideas of what he could say to him before Remus would jump out and yell _'Help! Pervert in my bed! Come save me Prongs!'_ , Sirius left the bathroom and went to their dorm to instead get some sleep.

However, it seemed like Remus had decided differently. Sirius blinked few times as he stared at Remus, who was sitting on Sirius' bed, in pyjamas and looking up to Sirius in adorable nervousness.

Remus gulped. "Stop staring."

Sirius stared at him some more. Remus twitched. Finally Sirius shrugged a bit and smiled. "I remember how you said you'd never come near my bed, since _'It's covered in dog hair and slobber, eww Pads'_. You expect I wouldn't be shocked to see you sitting on all the grossness?" He walked over to the bed, like nothing was amiss, and sat down on the other end, against the headboard.

"I cleaned it up first", said Remus, and Sirius couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"Of course you did", Sirius answered fondly. Then, because he was sleepy and this Remus who was in his bed was so unexpected, he asked: "But why all the trouble?"

"I... I've been thinking. And... this isn't some elaborate prank you two are pulling on me, right?"

Sirius wanted to yell, _'Yes! That's it, it has all been just a prank! Let's forget about it!'_ , but Remus was looking at him with cautioness and Sirius was tired - not only tired of dancing around the erumpent in the room all day, but actually tired. So he took a deep breath and then went for it, leaving the jokes behind.

"No. I fancy you -", _and there was no reason to scare Remus away by admitting it might be more than that_ , "- and have done so for a while -", _and absolutely no reason to disclose for exactly how long_ , "- and probably will do for a while, but I won't go all Prongs about it and pester you and try to win you over and what not until you give up." _Well, not anymore, since you are aware of it and uncomfortable with it._ Sirius smiled, a crooked smile. "And I promise I'll try not to scare away any, umm, girlfriends or boyfriends or whatever you decide to date one day."

It had been one of the promises that James had made him do, after all the bullshit Sirius had thrown in his way the past weeks, although Sirius knew that it would be also one of the promises that would be hard to keep. But he'd do his best, not for James' sake, and certainly not for any girlfriend's sake, but for Remus' sake.

"That's... thanks", Remus muttered, flushed and looked down at his knees awkwardly.

There was a silence, as Sirius felt he had said all that was needed and Remus seemed to not know what to say at all. Finally Sirius broke the silence with a small nudge of his foot against Remus' foot and a question: "So, are we okay?"

Remus nodded. Sirius took it as a good sign that he hadn't jumped, because of the small nudge.

"Good. Now, I didn't spend much time last night in the dorm, and as much as I love having you in my bed -", Sirius said jokingly and grinned as Remus rolled his eyes, blushing, "- I think my head will explode soon if I don't get some sleep." Remus nodded again, and climbed up from Sirius' bed. "Good night, Moony." And there was only a small bang of longing. He had made his peace with how things were.

Remus stopped in the middle of the room, and turned to look at Sirius, and seemed like he was choosing his words carefully, little hesitantly. Then Remus said, lightly: "Did you know that Prongs got Lily in the end?" There was a faint blush on his cheeks and Sirius' heart skipped a few beats. "After all the pestering."

"Is that so?" Sirius asked, in equally light tone, and couldn't help a grin spreading on his face. Remus was positively blushing now.

"Heard so", Remus continued, with a shy, devious smile and a mischievous, teasing twinkle in his eyes. "Could be just a rumour, though. Good night, Pads." And then he slipped into his own bed and drew the curtains shut.

It didn't take long for Sirius to get across the room and draw Remus' curtains open again to get down to some persuasive pestering of his own.


End file.
